My Lil Abel

On 29th May 2012, 2 days to our (me and my husband) important date we lost something important to us. We lost our unborn baby who is 18wks.  I was admited to Skei Hosp later refered to Sibu Hosp because the quantity of liquid in the placenta is too little for the baby. Before even checked by the specialist to check on me, to find solution (I hope) or to find reasons for the problem, I lost my baby. It was 3.05 am when my husband n mom arrived from Sarikei. I told them I want to pee. When I tried 2 pee, no urine but I can feel something is coming out from my servic. Quickly told my mom, we inform a doc n she help me 2 deliver my poor baby.
At 3.15 he came out from me alive but after few moment died. I saw him. I want to see him so that I will remember I have a boy. I have a boy. Keep on telling him I love him. Even for 4 mths I love him. We love him.
I want him badly 2 stay alive so that i can watch him growing up before my eyes. I wanting it so bad 2 see him running around the house with her sister Abigail. I want him.
But, i can't have him.
God want my boy also. He want my baby 2 be with Him in heaven. He prepares the best place for my boy even much better than mine.
I love him but i know Jesus love him more.
Now i have to learn to let go. To feel the emptiness when my boy is no more inside me.
Learn to commit more to God, letting Him taking control over everything I have.
During this difficult time, I have many ppl praying n supporting me
Prayers of comfort n peace really take control. I have strength, comfort n peace.
I do cry. Many times... But I also have God 2 lean on.

God, I thank You for Your peace n comfort. Thank you Jesus 4 Your love.
Please take care of my lil Abel.

I wrote this as a remembrance of my lil Abel.

Lord, my God.
Oh how I wish to see my lil Abel.
To grow up before my eyes.
To see him running around the house chasing after his sister Sarah.
How I wish to hold him in my arm, to love him with all my heart.
How I wish to know him better.
But Jesus, I don't have the opportunity.
To see him, to touch him and to love him.
You call him took him home so early.
I don't know You reason but I do believe.
Your reasons is not to condemn but because of love.
Lord,
I pray God that You will pass this message to him.
That his mommy n daddy love him very much.
We cherish the moment when he is in mommy's womb.
Love him n love him n love him.
Every moment we love him.

And Lord,
As our heart are full of sadness from our lost.
We ask You to fill our heart with joy, peace n comfort.
Give us strength to move on.
Lead us in Your perfect way.