My Lil Abel

On 29th May 2012, 2 days to our (me and my husband) important date we lost something important to us. We lost our unborn baby who is 18wks.  I was admited to Skei Hosp later refered to Sibu Hosp because the quantity of liquid in the placenta is too little for the baby. Before even checked by the specialist to check on me, to find solution (I hope) or to find reasons for the problem, I lost my baby. It was 3.05 am when my husband n mom arrived from Sarikei. I told them I want to pee. When I tried 2 pee, no urine but I can feel something is coming out from my servic. Quickly told my mom, we inform a doc n she help me 2 deliver my poor baby.
At 3.15 he came out from me alive but after few moment died. I saw him. I want to see him so that I will remember I have a boy. I have a boy. Keep on telling him I love him. Even for 4 mths I love him. We love him.
I want him badly 2 stay alive so that i can watch him growing up before my eyes. I wanting it so bad 2 see him running around the house with her sister Abigail. I want him.
But, i can't have him.
God want my boy also. He want my baby 2 be with Him in heaven. He prepares the best place for my boy even much better than mine.
I love him but i know Jesus love him more.
Now i have to learn to let go. To feel the emptiness when my boy is no more inside me.
Learn to commit more to God, letting Him taking control over everything I have.
During this difficult time, I have many ppl praying n supporting me
Prayers of comfort n peace really take control. I have strength, comfort n peace.
I do cry. Many times... But I also have God 2 lean on.

God, I thank You for Your peace n comfort. Thank you Jesus 4 Your love.
Please take care of my lil Abel.

I wrote this as a remembrance of my lil Abel.

Lord, my God.
Oh how I wish to see my lil Abel.
To grow up before my eyes.
To see him running around the house chasing after his sister Sarah.
How I wish to hold him in my arm, to love him with all my heart.
How I wish to know him better.
But Jesus, I don't have the opportunity.
To see him, to touch him and to love him.
You call him took him home so early.
I don't know You reason but I do believe.
Your reasons is not to condemn but because of love.
Lord,
I pray God that You will pass this message to him.
That his mommy n daddy love him very much.
We cherish the moment when he is in mommy's womb.
Love him n love him n love him.
Every moment we love him.

And Lord,
As our heart are full of sadness from our lost.
We ask You to fill our heart with joy, peace n comfort.
Give us strength to move on.
Lead us in Your perfect way.

Fresh Start

I has been a while since I update my blog. Not sure my excuses are coz there are many reasons why I didn't update my blog. One of it Facebook... So here i am trying my best 2 update it... This will be my Special Diary for life... Hope one day my children and my grandchildren read it...

Malaysian Christians

Mari kita berdoa.

Bapa kami di Sorga, (Heavenly Father in Heaven)
Engkau sahaja dimuliakan dan ditinggikan, (You are exalted high)
Kami datang kepadaMu, (We come before You)
Ampunkan segala dosa kami, (Forgive us our sin)
Apa pun kesalahan kami, (What ever wrong doing that we have done)
Sucikan kami hati kami, (Cleanse our heart)
Supaya kami layak dihadiratMu. (So that we can come before You)

Bapa, (Father)
Pada masa ini kami datang kepadaMu, (In this time, we come before You)
Kami datang bersujud kepadaMu, (We bow before You)
Engkau sahaja sumber perlindungan kami, (You are our protector)
Jauhkan kami daripada kemusnahan, (Protect us from disaster)
Dekatkan kami kepadaMu, (Drag us near you)
Berikan kami kekuatan, (Give us the Strength)
Berikan kami hati yang mengasihi, (Give us a loving heart)
Berikan kami hati yang sabar, (Give us patient heart)
Supaya kami terus mengasihi mereka yang membenci kami, (That we love those who hate us)
Supaya kami bersabar terus dalam pergolakan dunia kini. (To be patient in uncertainty)

Hanya kepadaMu sahaja ya Bapa,
Tempat kami berlindung,
Tempat kami bergantung.

Selamatkan Malaysia kami,
Supaya kami boleh tinggal bersama walau kami berbeza,
kerana kami ada Engkau yang sentiasa mengasihi kami.

Terima kasih ya Bapa,
Terima kasih ya Yesus,
Terima kasih Roh Kudus,
Amen.

BORNEO CULTURAL FESTIVAL SUCKS

What a day...
Sad to be Borneon lah....
why? Borneo Cultural Festival a.k.a BCF sucks
Today me, my friend and 2 students of mine went to Sibu to check on BCF and sadly it's sucks...
Pity all Borneon because BCF doesn't reflect Borneo at all.....
As if i was visiting Hong Kong or Shang Hai or Taiwan....



I just don't get BCF????
Where is the princip of one malaysia by our beloved PM Tan Sri Najib???
The stall opened also funny...
as if u were in fun fair....
Kanowit's funfair is even better....
So friends if you were thinking of coming 2 sibu for this BCF, better don't...
some more they openly sell coral stone.... batu karang...



batu karang kan sik boleh d jual...
takut pupus dak coral dlm laut ya...
apa lah sik bijak a.k.a dadak...

Malas dan menyesal pegi sia...
buang masa aja... konon mau emba budak tengok budaya sarawakian tapi kecewa lah...
tangga gerai main tikam buat apa...
emba trektor lah tayar lah kereta import lah...



entah apa mau di tunjuk dak sibu tok kat org putih ya...
anak2 kita pun sik kenal budaya org tempatan...
bila kelakar sik besopan sebab sik tauk budaya orang nak...
suka hati aja... bagus tukar nama...
iboh guna BCF... guna lah nama lain.....
hina rasa nya....

Back from ulu

Tired but need to do something about my blog...
my friend upset with this but now i'm more focus on my facebook...

today as usual, feel tired after my long journey from school...
this week we were quite busy with our sport's day preparation....
this week also 2 of our students possessed by 'something' we called bad spirit...
as usual typical iban sure cari bomoh first...
i don't know why even when we called ourselves Christian, we still seek help from devil...

but both was said dah sembuh recovered...

thanks God only 2....

Apa pun susah nak ubah orang kan terutama yg degil...

Flood and Landslide vs Gaza's issues

What i am going to say here not to influence others but this is what i think my own opinion.
Sarawak hits by flood and worsen by incidents of landslide. Thousands were effected and still living in fear. At the same time Israel and Palastine are in war.
What i disagree about us Malaysian we care more about others and not our own people.
Yeah... sure the YBs busy trying to help but what can they do when others mind have others mission.
Who is going to help our people if not us. Would they come here and help us if the same thing happened to us? I hope yes. Because that how world should be isn't it.
Every morning when i turn on my TV watch news all i heard how we hate Israel and i sometimes questioned myself.... We help palastine because we hate israel??? I don't know but maybe.
Every time i turn on the TV i wanted to know how was Miri or Bau, Kuching. How was the flood or how was the landslide. But i heard nothing about that but more on hatred. I hate this i hate that and bla.....
Where are the reporters when there is so many incident happened in our own door step?
This is me and my own point of view and i have no intention to force others to accept how i think.

Love your neighbours and your enemies too???
Ouch.... if its me i know i can't but what to do that is what God teach us.... Right???
Not to hate others because they are also God's creation.
i wish i could.....

UUM SIntok Kedah

Hello friends….

Now I’m in UUM sintok Kedah.

The environment not much different from Sarawak. When you walk around you think that you are in Sarawak. Why? Because so many of us that every where you go you will meet them and chat around as if as you are in Sarawak.

Some more my neighbors in hostel are all from Sarawak and Sabah.

sempat ambil gambar ni...

The only how you know you are not in Sarawak when you go to café or restaurant anywhere UUM. Why? Because the food are very hot and spicy. I cried all the time… hahhhaaaa…… terharu lah org Kedah masak untuk kita..

Banyak kan makanan yang kita boleh makan kat sini...

ikan je boleh masak banyak jenis.. sedap dan pedas

Second, the drinks are so sweet. ‘Adik, kurang manis ok.’ Then bila siap still sangat manis… emmm…

Diet??? Cancel jak eh….

Friend?

This week is kinda sad and bad week for me. first of all a person I called friend showing her real self. All this while, she talk behind me I don’t mind. Yalah if you didn’t do that why should you be afraid. Let It be and sure the truth will find its path. But this week for me it is a bit hurting. Stabbing me like that hurt me. So as usual buat bodoh lah. Pretend nothing happened. But i make big barrier between me n this friend.

The story goes like this. I’m the Guru Penasihat for Kelab Kebudayaan. Me and my friend supposed to train school dance to represent our school for a competition. Last year we won 1st place so this year our headmaster forced us to send another group. we reject. so someone send her group with some misson (to destroy me and my partner) she want 2 show us she can to our headmaster.

The result was not a good news for me because my school kalah. but still it is also a good news for my reputation. why waste school money when we know we can't get what our school want. dapat no 3 pun tidak. apa lagi no 1 or no 2.

so this whole week she was always alone. no one want 2 sit or walk with her. especially the lady teacher pulaukan dia (i tak hasut). memang or dah tahu sikap dia yg sebenar.

am i happy. not really. relief yes but not happy. i lost a friend. someone i cherish.

PMR and SPM

Wish all students yang nak ujian ni kena focus k. Belajar demi masa depan kita yg cerah. Harus ingat IF ITS TO BE, ITS UP TO ME. Apa pun yang dihadapan kita adalah milik kita dan hanya kita yang mengatur dan menentukan hala tuju. The choice is in your own hand. Submit it to God and strive hard and sure God be with you and lead you.

To my friends… cikgu cikgi out there…

All the best and do your best. Time ni just pray and hope ur students can give their best..

Mang ciayo..

All the best k. God bless

UPSR

Hi all….

Today I’m so bored.//

Stayed back up river here…

Today kinda tough day…

Looking for kertas ramalan upsr bahasa inggeris…

But tak jumpa….

It’s very sad that no one bother to do that…

I guess English is the most not famous subject….

Don’t you think so….

Haiyaaaa……

Wish me luck kay…

Next Tuesday is big day for primary school teacher..

This day our hardwork will be tested…

All the best for teachers and pupils out there…

Pray that God bless you with clear mind for you to focus

Hope that your brain work 101% all the time when you read the questions paper…

Begging God that you know the answers to everything…

All the best!!!!

MODE

My mode for this week is lazy mode… hahhaa…. Have we heard of this mode before. Like our handphone or computer, they have mode. We should always put a positive mode but I had a lazy mode. I barely out of my house sleeping comfortably in my nice and cool room. I opened my eyes then get ready to school. Back home preparing meal then watch TV until the TV watch me. I tried to read lecture notes but only 5% enter and sat comfortably in my head. The rest flew back to the notes. I tried to find an easy and nice topic that I can produce a thesis out of it. But I’m blank and I still could not get anything. Zero….. I hope I can do better than this.

I hope I can get a good topic and I could produce a good thesis and pass my program.

Probably I will write about Pelan Induk Pembangunan Pendidikan. I have not decide specifically about what but hopefully I can write and do some research about its relationship with leadership traits.

Enough of my thesis. Next week I hope I can use more productive mode.

WoW....

Today i'm so proud of myself.
i show my fellow friends the whole Kuching city..
i did it without showing them Kuching city inside car but also i walk with them...
hahhaaaaa..........
i still got the stamina beb....
i took thm to all shopping complex range big 2 small shopping complex...
i walked with them at the water front....
walked with them at the india street....
i never did it before so i'm proud to be me...
hahahahhaaaaa....
ok got 2 go... sakit perut lah....

My First Class

Today is the last day of my busy day.
Just came back from UNIMAS for my MSc Education Management class under UUM.
First i ingat easy lah... no exam and bla bla....
but then i was wrong...
now i have 4 thing 2 do. 3 minor and 1 major task...
first day lesson...
write chapter 1 introduction of thesis...

day 2
write chapter 2 literature review...

letih sbb kelas dari pagi sampai petang...
tapi sik boleh kalah dgn org2 senior kat sia..
so what i do... pretend that i'm there all the time..
but my mind don't know where...

so today i went to celcom centre and get my self a broadband...
i hope it will help me ....

ok this all for today...

BE THANKFUL

Everyday we grumble about this and that. From big matters to small ones. Recently our fuel price increased. It actually caused politic chaos. Pity those who have power to put price on our fuel. All curses thrown into him without considering pros and cons of his decisions. During this tough moment others take granted and add more heat into this matter.

Malaysian should be more considerate and be more relax. The word aggressive caused our neighbour country broken into pieces. North for this race and south for this religion. West for this kind of people and east for that kind of people. They can’t live with anyone but ‘themselves’.

Malaysia is a multiracial country. Our believes also different but until now we can live together. Have multiracial neighbourhood and are we willing to lose this harmonic life? I must say I WANT TO LIVE IN PEACEFUL COUNTRY FOREVER. How? Can we make it?

I say yes but it needs us to be one heart. We need to be thankful that God blessed us with peaceful country. We need to think before we do something. Before we do, think what will happen if i do this or i do that.

For my Malaysian friends.....
LOVE YOURSELF AND LOVE MALAYSIA

UPDATE???

Sorry that I didn’t update. My friend said ‘NO TIME OR TIRED’ is a LAME excuse. Hope you enjoy.

QUALITY???

It has been a long time that I didn’t update my blog. I was so busy and soon First Semester Examination.

Question Paper done by PPG and was sent to school last week. So yesterday, I went back to school early and manage to print the questions paper on stencil. Regardless our lack of modern facilities such as photocopier, they sent a blur copy. All school must use this questions paper because they want to see the real result throughout our district. This burdened our job as they want us teacher to produce good outcomes but they could not even produce clear questions paper.

I hope you and I could learn from this situation. We always point others weaknesses but couldn’t see our own. As pepatah melayu said bakteria di seberang terang kelihatan, tetapi Godzilla yang didepan buat-buat tak nampak.

None are perfect even if we wanted badly to be perfect or meet up with perfect guy / girl. It is impossible.

I once told a friend of mine who wanted his girlfriend/ her boyfriend to be perfect “No one if perfect. We should learn to accept and fit ourselves into their lifestyle. But if you couldn’t, back off and learn from it.”

And I spent more than 2 hours surfing and grab as many as I can information from engkabang.net

There is many information that you can get from there. This net is especially for teachers. If you’re interested, make sure you register first. Just log on to the website.

Enjoy.

Life As Rural Area Teacher

Last week I was so busy doing my own responsibility and thanks God no one throw up their duty to me. and this week is going to be another busy day. Since I know, I will have no time to update my story here, so I decided to do it earlier.

Topic of the day ‘ life as a rural area teacher’.

Let me recall back what questions been asked to me during the interview to enter maktab back in year 2005. The first question they asked me is “Are you willing to be sent to rural area?” And so, I tell them yes. Disbelief with what I’ve said, they told me many told them that and they wanted me to convince them that I am willing to; I told them all my life I’ve been living in rural area (10 years out of 25 years). For that reason, I have no problem with this kind of life.

Now I am living to the fullest enjoying fresh air and fresh food (fish and Nbab1).

Am I happy? Yes, I do and No, I do not.

Yes because I wanted to be a teacher since January 2005. Back then, I hate primary English teacher. I wanted to know what are they doing that their students does not know single English word. I dare myself to major in TESL for primary school. Now I know, no one should curse any English teacher. It is a damn hardest thing to do.. Hhahahaa…..

My problem, I hate to cook, wash cloth and clean my house. I have to do it myself. My mom living more than 100 km away and I can’t be so selfish to ask her to stay with me and do all the chores for me. I wish I were selfish L

This is what i eat almost every day easy to prepare.. hhahahaaa

Next year I was thinking of moving out of here. I need more hectic lifestyle and not being so comfortable. I hope it is true that many town teacher hoping to transfer to rural area to get extra cash so that I can move to town. J Just take the money! I need my life back!

So maybe it is true what my interviewer have said. But people change. No one stick to one decision. And so do I!

My School Song

SK Nanga Ngungun

Sekolahku yang tercinta

Walau jauh di pedalaman

Kau teruskan jasa

SK Nanga Ngungun

Berilmu dan berwawasan

Amanah agama bangsa dan negara

Wadah matlamat kita

Ikrar Pelajar dijulang

Rukun Negara disanjungi

Harapan ibu bapa dan guru

Tetap tidak ‘kan dilupa

SK Nanga Ngungun

Walau nanti tetap ku tinggalkan

Kami berikrar teruskan usaha menjadi insan cemerlang

Kami berikrar teruskan usaha menjadi insan cemerlang

Last Sunday, I was preparing my Lesson Plan and I have decided to teach a song titled “Padi”. So, as usual every Monday morning we had assembly. When pupils sang “Negaraku”, I tried to listen very carefully how they pronounce negara. As they had this typical Iban slang; instead of ne-ga-ra-ku, they pronounce it neng-ga-ra-ku.

Then when sang School’s Song. Aha…. They repeated the same mistake.

So this week my main target to correct their pronunciation. Start with my weak pupils 4B. I wrote down the lyric and waited for 40 minutes for them to copy this 16 lines. Then I only have 20 minutes to sing the song correctly with the proper pronunciation. I warned them to read and pronounce carefully/ correctly. Even after I warned them, they till repeat the same mistake. Even worse! Every time they sang line 8, I can’t understand any words out of their mouth. So I can’t catch what word they use to replace the original word. then line 12.

Slowly pronounce it for them some able to correct their mistakes.

Will report again what will happen to my other classes.

My Life

Living alone without your families and friends around could be impracticable. So it does but who are we to choose that kind of life. Yes, we can plan what we want but it is not us to decide. Life is complicated and yet we ware created to be so. I plan to stay and I did. It is so boring that I really hate the moment when I have to decide what to eat. I’ve gastric and my stomach always craving for food. At last I cooked 3 dishes. As I have mentioned before I was lazy to cooked I prepared 3 tasty and special food.

Aubergine curry

Fish soup with lettuce

Fried nugget, chicken frank and coated chicken.

My Blog

This week, I decided to stay back at school instead of going home meeting my love ones. Few reasons why and I did not regret it. I make myself busy from Friday afternoon until today. I actually did not rest except sleeping. I promised myself not to waste my time on games so I plan few things to do. Not all going on as I planned. I start with house chores. Washing tonnes of cloth, cleaning the kitchen and etc. Well, at last I can walk on my new mat and my quarters looks more homey. I also decided to create my own blog (at last) after Grace so many times advised me to do so. Meruked Tu’ is Lun Bawangs word. It means ‘really forever’. I have my own reason I choose this word. I hope through this blog, I can make new friends and to keep in touch with my all friends.